i think it's time to update this space after 2 years of it sitting in the dust. These days, i find my memory failing me. I don't know if it's because i chose to block them out (like a filter) like what wj says. Reading the past only made me realized that i've grown up a little (just a little) over the years. and so i would like to believe that i am a stronger person today because i have been a lost soul for the past couple of months. i guess there were some things that were bothering me more than i realized. i think generally there's no right or wrong about being a person, being yourself. but the first step is to fully accept and love yourself. i could not do that for quite some time. there is no exaggeration up to this point when i said i've considered myself unworthy of the world. the problem with being absorbed in the self indulgence state of feeling lost is that eventually the day will come, and you find yourself lost for real.
black swan events (they are very real)
amused
Lying on my bed right now and it came to me almost unexpectedly. staring into space... i hardly had the time to ponder about how fast life is moving by. gone were the days where i stare into the same walls having completely different sets of worries. gone were the days where waking up every morning and having breakfast in the canteen with the colourful sets of benches. gone were the days where i used to be on the field. gone were the days where i used to spend hours playing music.
Rainy days make me happy
I was just walking to school this morning. And i've decided, why fight all those challenges that comes along the way, why not love it. And with this new perception, i develop a new revelation about school.
across the universe
i can't remember the last time i ever blogged.
but that doesn't matter now. it's new year chu yi but yet i'm at home watching tv, going through the normal routine of monday (i get mondays off) except that i can't mug for company law because i left my book in school (sigh)
i think i have a love-hate relationship with the cny goodies. i love eating the ba kwas as well as ferrero rochers, but i hate them cuz i can't stop eating them! and i am feeling a sore throat coming up.
i was supposed to go play touch (or so i planned) on sat but when i saw them play, i suddenly felt ashame of myself. i can no longer climb a flight of stairs without panting, let alone run 30m of the field to and fro! well, i didn't have to feel that agonizing feeling for long as the gate was locked! i don't know if i was secretly glad that way, but i wasn't disappointed. because i feel that i'm only letting myself down if i play that lousy.
in these two or so more months, i did an internship at sicec. i went to hong kong. and school started before i barely had a good break. i have a little regret that i didn't get to go to bali. but i don't know when i ever will. hong kong was, well... not as fun as it was suppose to be. C broke up with N before the trip. that left N with us, during the trip. i do have to admit, that i was pretty surprised and shocked. afterall, C was the one who was always talking about how in love she was in with N, and how it would be great if we were to become family friends if we stayed long enough with our respective partners. i guess i'm in no position to judge, but it's such a pity. i couldn't understand it at first. Could a mere three months or less, really be such a huge changing point in someone's life? Could everything that you've held together for more than twenty four months become completely meaningless, until you met someone better? apparently, it could.
this only serves to affirm me that nothing is for sure. no matter how much you believe in the future, turns out it always surprises you. love is puzzling and unexplainable. but i'm glad that C is truly positive that she hasn't make the wrong choice. i'm happy that she has met someone that she felt suited her more.
as for me, we're reaching twenty four months this sixth of feb. how time seems to fly past so quickly. sometimes, i wonder if it's such a good thing we started out so young. i always believed that time dictates who you eventually end up with. see if you started dating at around fourteen or so, you are more unlikely to end up with the same person when you're twenty. do couples truly marry because they feel that they are right for each other? or do they marry just to fulfill society's obligation? is it a coincidence that most people marry in their late twenties or early thirties? or could it be that this is the period where most find true love? maybe it's just a conformity to the mentality that that's the ideal age to find a partner. when we are young, we already "decide" what age we are going to marry. i'm sure this question is familiar to most girls. but how can we be sure that at the age that we want to marry, is also the time when we find our soulmates?
i didn't think that hong kong was suitable for me anyway. i hated the cold, and much of the food just made me sick. in fact, i missed the fast food and singapore's weather when i was there. the only thing i loved was to pile myself up with clothes. People there get to wear boots, scarfs, coats when they're out! imagine the expansion i need for my wardrobe if we were to have such weather in singapore.
i've watched marley and me and it was a little disappointing as the book was much better, naturally, than the movie. i need to find a new read, as i have finished my twilight books too fast. i could only guess why so many people hated twilight. to them, it is some childish teenage fantasy with an unbelievable storyline that doesn't make much of a sense to them. but i absolutely loved it. i love the first book because it reminded me of teenage love. of course, at my age, not that i'm that old, i do find bella rather childish in her thinking at times. even when she became a mother. i still think that she is a little immature. but i must admit that the thought of the existence of edward brings much thrill in reading twilight. i do wish i have my very own vampire lover now.
alright, i guess that's all for now!
top of the world
I had a blast! Birthday celebrations for the 3 days now! (: and one more on sunday with my best girl.
Even though finance proj sucked, (causing me to skip dinner and lunch on separate days),
I'm glad it's finally over. The sense of helplessness of what's going on on the project. This made me rethink doing finance as a second major.
School has ended! Well, not quite as I still have 1 more lesson on Monday! But it has unofficially ended! The holidays are here! except that the exams aren't over yet. There's still one week of trauma and panic to go, but i guess other than that, LET ME START MY HOLIDAYS NOW!
I EAT SASHIMI! alright, pretty random. When i started off with detesting japanese food, to slowly eating only the cooked sushi, and then experimenting the raw suhi, and now, I EAT SASHIMI! (though i still find the fish eggs a little gross)
Anyway, my pre-birthday was spent at sakae sushi! it was cheap and lots of jap food! Tang yuen and mango (tian zai xin) for dessert!
On the birthday itself, wt jessie ph and yf celebrated for me and xy! (xy's bday just 1 day before mine)
the boy brought me to watch Avenue Q! It wasn't exactly what i wanted to do on my birthday but i'm glad that he actually planned something! (HE LOVES ME!! <3 <3) and it was really good singing and sex! (the puppets had sex on stage!) though my present will have to wait till shopping in hk!
Yesterday was real fun at timbre with xtine and her friends, followed by a short mj session! I ZHIMO MAN TAI! yay!
okay that's all for now.
thanks for all the birthday wishes! especially to desmond who called from india!
and there were my best friends who wanted to wish me over the phone instead of just sms! (: and also thanks for planning this for me!
i'm too lazy to upload any photos! will do when i'm supposed to study but isn't doing so.
